September 19,2016

Mental update.

I stopped the lithium about 2 weeks ago. I couldn’t take the dizzy and motion sickness anymore. AND I gained a TON of weight in the almost 3 weeks I was on it.

I was more goal oriented on it, but constantly feeling sick helped none.

I expected to bounce right into mania when I stopped, but it hasn’t happened. I have mostly been in mixed status ever since.

I have become more insular however. I barely ever leave the house without Peter.

I am able to go to aerial on my own (which is a 40-60 minute drive, one way), but as soon as I am out, I autopilot back home. I just get anxious without him around.

This is the opposite from anything I have ever been my entire life. I am a BIG proponent for alone time. I love doing things on my own. Jeeping, movies, restaurants, people watching, walking around city areas, photography, etc.

Now I just can’t bring myself to do it.

Also, I enjoy being around him and as independent as I am, I am equally codependent, if that makes sense. 😊

I really just want to sit home and read, as of the last couple weeks. And so I have.

However, this is always a tell tale sign of deep depression for me. Instead of sleeping all day, I hide in books. And not just normal reading, more like choosing to read instead of sleep or planned activities, spending time with other people, or going places. When I am going through as many books as I have been in a short period of time…. it’s a huge red flag.

But hey, yay books 😄

#bipolar