1 am with an alarm going off in 6 hours so I can cram more French in my brain before my test at 9am.
I spent 2-3 hours studying yesterday and another 6 hours tonight.
I went to my psychiatrist on Friday and he changed up my ADHD meds. The adderall was just too much for me. Even at the 2.5 mg dose. He said the Ritalin worked better on kids and adderall on adults, which is why he first prescribed it to me.
I started with a half 5 mg pill on Saturday, which happened to also be the day we went to Epcot with an awesome friend.
Granted, we didn’t drink around the world, per se, but I did have several drinks from about 11-9 that day.
I didn’t feel at all like what adderall does. I can’t put my finger on it, but I just felt normal, with a touch of more talking than normal. Mostly my idea that I’m hilarious (I’m not) took over and I was overly sarcastic all day. It was a blast 😄
None of that has any to do with what my intentions for this post are…
So Thursday night, our friends came out to stay with us for a few days because we had two plays planned to see together and with the kids. The kids stayed home that night with our oldest to babysit. We got picked up by a very experienced Uber driver and he was sharing some stories with us when he got to one about driving to a nude colony.
Now to back up a bit, Peter makes amazing French martinis and cosmos. They are my favorite. Sadly because they taste so yummy (and I am a gulper, not a sipper, though that is changing with the addition to the stimulant meds…), I drink them really fast. So I had a martini before we left.
I know I overshare (like this post/blog). I have almost no filters. I often wonder how people see me because of this one fact. I tend to get really annoyed with oversharers, so that’s a thing I worry about. However, it’s how I connect with people. I have no issue mentioning my medications I am on, usually as an explanation of why I am feeling off or weird at the moment, and I tend to mention the bipolar if I get comfortable around a person, but almost always on first contact, but I am not ashamed of it. It’s a thing I have to be aware of and I like to prepare people for the fact that I may be the social butterfly now, but maybe next time you see me I may be very insular because I am quietly trying to work out of a depression (forcing myself out), or anxiety/panic attack, which tends to bring on some slight auditory and peripheral hallucinations, so I am working out what is real or not, or just scared of what is going to come out of my mouth.
Anyhow, back in the Uber with Peter and our two friends and a guy I don’t know driving us, I mention that my mom would be butt naked in our house for almost all of my school years, which made eating breakfast really odd for me.
This is not a normal thing to share.
I only know this now… when at midnight tonight I suddenly thought about it and remembered I said that. It took me 4 days to realize that.
And I do it a lot. Like a whole lot. Which makes me wonder about all the secrets I keep for other people.
We all know my memory sucks (hence the name of this blog… OH! I keep forgetting to add the point behind the name of the blog on my About Me section. Maybe one day.) so I forget who told me what and when and what or who I should or should not tell.
The thing is, I have found people find me very easy to talk to and put a lot of trust in me. I have heard over and over what a good listener I am. And I agree. I love listening to people and I love being the person to vent to. I also hope I can keep what needs to be kept in, and I try very hard.
But at the same time, I am such a damn talker that I find it funny how I always get what a great listener I am 😜
Which brings up another tangent: I have always said (since, oh, 16ish) that I am exactly half of everything. I can’t just say I am one thing or the other. I am an ambivert, I recharge by being around people and by being alone, it just all depends on mood. I am a good listener and a nonstop talker, I’m artistic and engineer minded, and on and on.
I always wonder because I am so pedantic (I use this word a lot, but only because it’s nuances fit so perfectly for what I need, and I find that all my kids are pedantic too), if I think I can’t define myself as one thing because I am not 100% that thing? 🤷🏼♀️
Funny enough, I had more to say, but I think I can finally fall asleep.
5 Mar 2019
0 Comments
Unfiltered
Awake.
1 am with an alarm going off in 6 hours so I can cram more French in my brain before my test at 9am.
I spent 2-3 hours studying yesterday and another 6 hours tonight.
I went to my psychiatrist on Friday and he changed up my ADHD meds. The adderall was just too much for me. Even at the 2.5 mg dose. He said the Ritalin worked better on kids and adderall on adults, which is why he first prescribed it to me.
I started with a half 5 mg pill on Saturday, which happened to also be the day we went to Epcot with an awesome friend.
Granted, we didn’t drink around the world, per se, but I did have several drinks from about 11-9 that day.
I didn’t feel at all like what adderall does. I can’t put my finger on it, but I just felt normal, with a touch of more talking than normal. Mostly my idea that I’m hilarious (I’m not) took over and I was overly sarcastic all day. It was a blast 😄
None of that has any to do with what my intentions for this post are…
So Thursday night, our friends came out to stay with us for a few days because we had two plays planned to see together and with the kids. The kids stayed home that night with our oldest to babysit. We got picked up by a very experienced Uber driver and he was sharing some stories with us when he got to one about driving to a nude colony.
Now to back up a bit, Peter makes amazing French martinis and cosmos. They are my favorite. Sadly because they taste so yummy (and I am a gulper, not a sipper, though that is changing with the addition to the stimulant meds…), I drink them really fast. So I had a martini before we left.
I know I overshare (like this post/blog). I have almost no filters. I often wonder how people see me because of this one fact. I tend to get really annoyed with oversharers, so that’s a thing I worry about. However, it’s how I connect with people. I have no issue mentioning my medications I am on, usually as an explanation of why I am feeling off or weird at the moment, and I tend to mention the bipolar if I get comfortable around a person, but almost always on first contact, but I am not ashamed of it. It’s a thing I have to be aware of and I like to prepare people for the fact that I may be the social butterfly now, but maybe next time you see me I may be very insular because I am quietly trying to work out of a depression (forcing myself out), or anxiety/panic attack, which tends to bring on some slight auditory and peripheral hallucinations, so I am working out what is real or not, or just scared of what is going to come out of my mouth.
Anyhow, back in the Uber with Peter and our two friends and a guy I don’t know driving us, I mention that my mom would be butt naked in our house for almost all of my school years, which made eating breakfast really odd for me.
This is not a normal thing to share.
I only know this now… when at midnight tonight I suddenly thought about it and remembered I said that. It took me 4 days to realize that.
And I do it a lot. Like a whole lot. Which makes me wonder about all the secrets I keep for other people.
We all know my memory sucks (hence the name of this blog… OH! I keep forgetting to add the point behind the name of the blog on my About Me section. Maybe one day.) so I forget who told me what and when and what or who I should or should not tell.
The thing is, I have found people find me very easy to talk to and put a lot of trust in me. I have heard over and over what a good listener I am. And I agree. I love listening to people and I love being the person to vent to. I also hope I can keep what needs to be kept in, and I try very hard.
But at the same time, I am such a damn talker that I find it funny how I always get what a great listener I am 😜
Which brings up another tangent: I have always said (since, oh, 16ish) that I am exactly half of everything. I can’t just say I am one thing or the other. I am an ambivert, I recharge by being around people and by being alone, it just all depends on mood. I am a good listener and a nonstop talker, I’m artistic and engineer minded, and on and on.
I always wonder because I am so pedantic (I use this word a lot, but only because it’s nuances fit so perfectly for what I need, and I find that all my kids are pedantic too), if I think I can’t define myself as one thing because I am not 100% that thing? 🤷🏼♀️
Funny enough, I had more to say, but I think I can finally fall asleep.
Yay midnight thoughts 😄