Went to psychiatrist today. He is adding an antipsychotic and ADHD meds to my already numerous list of meds.
The antipsychotic – I had a serious deep deep depression in December (i mentioned on here) that lasted about 2 weeks, caused some hallucinations, panic attack, and delusions and paranoia popped back up (was actually a mixed episode). Then for the past 2-3 weeks I have been in the highest mania I’ve ever been in since the 3-4 year one back in 2013-16. Thankfully I now know what it starts out as and go through all the steps as they appear and can look it in the face and tell myself “hey, i know you… that sucks.. stop it.” it doesn’t stop, but i am now aware of it. I still have shame that comes with some of it and that’s hard, but, i have an amazing partner to help me through it. Anyhow, with that came more hallucinations and bumped my paranoia up a bunch. Hence, the need for antipsychotics. I did try one 3 years ago – seroquel… it was absolutely awful the very first time. I have had it only one time since, and that was the other week ago when I just needed the hammer to shut my head down quick. it worked but then the 2 day hangover sucked ass. (and that was only half a pill). He gave me a new type today, but it’s $1460. We got that down to $75, but that’s still a lot right now. So I was suggested several generics. One was seroquel, no thank you, and I looked up the other 4.
They all start out so amazing sounding..
“…belongs to a class of drugs known as atypical antipsychotics. It works by helping to restore the balance of certain natural substances in the brain. This medication can decrease hallucinations, help you to think more clearly and positively about yourself, feel less agitated, and take a more active part in everyday life.”
I read that and I get all squishy and hopeful inside. ALL of them say that. Including Seroquel.
And then you get to the side effects, which is the scary part.
I want the first part, not the second part, damnit.
I want the think clearly, less agitated, thinking positive about yourself. That SOUNDS AMAZING!
The ADHD – I have started school again for the first time in 2.5 years…. school is unbelievably hard for me. I don’t even have the words to describe it. All I can explain is every single bit is a giant brick wall that I have to scale for the simplest focus on anything. Besides that, my brain skips every other word or sentence anyhow, so that makes things worse. I try so many tactics and learning more from Jude’s therapist (he has severe ADHD) because having bipolar means that I can’t take the regular ADHD meds that are stimulants. Stimulants kick bipolars into baaaad mania. And we can’t have that. I have had non-stimulant ADHD meds, but they haven’t done a single thing for me. So we decided to give Adderoll a try. Everyone is on high alert now, Peter, my therapist, my psychiatrist, and especially me. But I always over analyze everything about myself since 2016 anyhow 😀 I don’t start them for another week (after i acclimate the antipyschotic drug into my system.) I really really am hoping for some clarity and even though I know it is not a miracle drug, it’s hard not to expect miracles when everything is so hard normally.
#bipolar #ADHD
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25 Jan 2019
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January 25,2019
Went to psychiatrist today. He is adding an antipsychotic and ADHD meds to my already numerous list of meds.
The antipsychotic – I had a serious deep deep depression in December (i mentioned on here) that lasted about 2 weeks, caused some hallucinations, panic attack, and delusions and paranoia popped back up (was actually a mixed episode). Then for the past 2-3 weeks I have been in the highest mania I’ve ever been in since the 3-4 year one back in 2013-16. Thankfully I now know what it starts out as and go through all the steps as they appear and can look it in the face and tell myself “hey, i know you… that sucks.. stop it.” it doesn’t stop, but i am now aware of it. I still have shame that comes with some of it and that’s hard, but, i have an amazing partner to help me through it. Anyhow, with that came more hallucinations and bumped my paranoia up a bunch. Hence, the need for antipsychotics. I did try one 3 years ago – seroquel… it was absolutely awful the very first time. I have had it only one time since, and that was the other week ago when I just needed the hammer to shut my head down quick. it worked but then the 2 day hangover sucked ass. (and that was only half a pill). He gave me a new type today, but it’s $1460. We got that down to $75, but that’s still a lot right now. So I was suggested several generics. One was seroquel, no thank you, and I looked up the other 4.
They all start out so amazing sounding..
“…belongs to a class of drugs known as atypical antipsychotics. It works by helping to restore the balance of certain natural substances in the brain. This medication can decrease hallucinations, help you to think more clearly and positively about yourself, feel less agitated, and take a more active part in everyday life.”
I read that and I get all squishy and hopeful inside. ALL of them say that. Including Seroquel.
And then you get to the side effects, which is the scary part.
I want the first part, not the second part, damnit.
I want the think clearly, less agitated, thinking positive about yourself. That SOUNDS AMAZING!
The ADHD – I have started school again for the first time in 2.5 years…. school is unbelievably hard for me. I don’t even have the words to describe it. All I can explain is every single bit is a giant brick wall that I have to scale for the simplest focus on anything. Besides that, my brain skips every other word or sentence anyhow, so that makes things worse. I try so many tactics and learning more from Jude’s therapist (he has severe ADHD) because having bipolar means that I can’t take the regular ADHD meds that are stimulants. Stimulants kick bipolars into baaaad mania. And we can’t have that. I have had non-stimulant ADHD meds, but they haven’t done a single thing for me. So we decided to give Adderoll a try. Everyone is on high alert now, Peter, my therapist, my psychiatrist, and especially me. But I always over analyze everything about myself since 2016 anyhow 😀 I don’t start them for another week (after i acclimate the antipyschotic drug into my system.) I really really am hoping for some clarity and even though I know it is not a miracle drug, it’s hard not to expect miracles when everything is so hard normally.
#bipolar #ADHD
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