April 18, 2018

Bipolar musings.

3 weeks into a mood stabilizer (only, for now, appointment this Friday to figure out more things), and I haven’t had any side effects (that I know of), which is unlike any of the other mood stabilizers I’ve taken.

It has leveled me out a lot, and I realized a week into it that I no longer define my days by good or bad, depending on how many things go wrong in the morning.

So much so, that yesterday, EVERYTHING went wrong and I still wasn’t calling it a bad day.

And it got really fucking bad.

By the end of the night I lost my damn mind, had thoughts that I haven’t had in 22 years without realizing it, was screaming for help in my own way -which is to say throwing shit and snapping at everyone.

It then occurred to me that he prescribed me Xanax for this EXACT reason. Shit I couldn’t handle! OH YEAH! (I’m not a fan of tranqs and such, so completely forgot I could get a handle on things if it came to that).

That shit worked miracles! Sadly, it was by the time everyone was in bed and I chewed everyone out.

I’m learning.