I now hate my medication. The same medication that a month ago I swore I would never stop.
I just miss myself.
I want to be who I am, I feel stifled, stomped on, shoved in a tiny box.
Lately my only freedom (having any sense of being alive) has been my super duper strength tea, but even that turns on me and knocks me out cold after 30-60 minutes.
Obviously I need to go talk to my psych soon. My next appointment is after the new year.
I am just wallowing.
My hallucinations are back, my delusions are back, which is unsettling. Mostly because all those come with the mania, (well actually all the time, but in varying degrees), but I am so obviously in a deep dark depression hole.
The panic attacks are annoying and introversion sucks too.
Especially when it happens while out with people.
These are things I should put on that fancy new mental illness blog I set up, it’s just… daunting.
14 Dec 2018
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December 14, 2018
I haven’t been doing well.
At all.
The brain is an asshole.
I now hate my medication. The same medication that a month ago I swore I would never stop.
I just miss myself.
I want to be who I am, I feel stifled, stomped on, shoved in a tiny box.
Lately my only freedom (having any sense of being alive) has been my super duper strength tea, but even that turns on me and knocks me out cold after 30-60 minutes.
Obviously I need to go talk to my psych soon. My next appointment is after the new year.
I am just wallowing.
My hallucinations are back, my delusions are back, which is unsettling. Mostly because all those come with the mania, (well actually all the time, but in varying degrees), but I am so obviously in a deep dark depression hole.
The panic attacks are annoying and introversion sucks too.
Especially when it happens while out with people.
These are things I should put on that fancy new mental illness blog I set up, it’s just… daunting.
#bipolar
#gad